I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
