dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
