god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
