He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it hurts more in the daytime
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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