If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
