4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
