I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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