What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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