I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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