its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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