I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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