So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
