You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's never too late to be topless.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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