So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
