Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
