Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
