apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
