So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
