glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize