you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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