Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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