I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
