my phone needs a breathalizer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
