I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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