No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The cops high fived after they tackled you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
