HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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