No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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