those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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