You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!