My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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