Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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