My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides