I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
