I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
