...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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