I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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