That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
