He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
