Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am one with the molecules
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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