about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
