I just made out with a guy for $7.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
