Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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