Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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