I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
