thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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