You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
