You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
