obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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