You just made me feel so damn special
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let's get the cat blown out
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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