I bet he comes in French.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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