i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
