First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
