If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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