my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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