my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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