you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
