I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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