So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
