My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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