its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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