Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
