ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
