It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
