The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm too high and old for this...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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