...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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