I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
