I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I didn't notice because vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
