He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
