***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Congratulations! We have a period
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