I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
