Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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