i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
