I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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