i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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