Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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