I could have mohawked her pubes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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