cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
