I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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