Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
bring money and cleavage
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
