I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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